property cliches
Property clichés, you have probably heard them a thousand times. Well zeroagents is going to take the mystery out of them all and explain what they really mean. You'll never be able to hear a cliché again without smiling.
| Cliche | What it really means |
| Close to publc transport. | You are perched next to a freeway or railway line. |
| Tender loving care needed. | Bring in a bulldozer, this place needs to be demolished. |
| Perfect for a Handyman. | Bring in a bulldozer, this place has been condemned. |
| Perfect first investor property. | Squatters have already moved in. |
| Spacious | Average |
| Charming | Small |
| Comfortable | Very small |
| Cozy | Very, very small |
| Low maintenance | No lawn |
| Walk to stores | Nowhere to park your car |
| Prestigious | Expensive |
| Bright and Sunny | Venetian blinds not included |
| Townhouse | Former tenement |
| Modern | 30 to 40 years old |
| Contemporary | At least 15 years old |
| Sprawling ranch | Inefficient floor plan |
| Natural Setting | Forget about planting anything, the deer will eat everything |
| Secluded setting | Far away |
| Executive neighbourhood | High taxes |
| Near houses of worship | Fanatical denomination next door |
| Park like setting | A tree on the block |
| Unaffected charm | Needs painting |
| Starter home | Run down |
| Hurry! Won't last | About to collapse |
| And much, much more | Nothing else comes to mind |
| Much Potential | Grim. Keep clear unless you have a lot of money & believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. |
| Unique city home | Used to be a warehouse |
| Hi-Tech/Contemporary | Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement. |
| Daring Design | Still a warehouse |
| Completely Updated | Avocado coloured dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa. |
| Sophisticated | Black walls and no windows. See Architects delight. |
| One of a kind | Ugly as sin |
| Brilliant concept | Do you really need a two-storey live oak in your 30 foot sky dome? See "Makes dramatic statement". |
| Upper bracket | If you have to ask..... |
| You'll love it | No, you won't |
| Must see to believe | An absolutely accurate statement |